frustrated

Okay fellow bloggers.....why is doing my blog so hard. Wehn I add pictures they always go to the top ani just want my blog to be less frustrating because I d then I have to move the pictures around with my explanation going haywire. Then I ended up with like an entire page of blank in between. I am obviously not getting it.. Anyone have any advice on how to make this work better. I look at other blogs and they are so beautiful then there is mine which is really unexplainable. Forexample I wrote two blogs and yet there is a mile of white page between then so I know most people will not even see it. I need a blogger lesson from anyone that want to help me.

My email: Lupita777@frontiernet.net

Or just comment from this blog.

I just need help because I've noticed I get frustrated and then I stat putting it off but I have so much to say!@!!!

"True enlightenment is nothing but the nature of one's own self being fully realized."
-His Holiness the Dalai Lama

My Mother's Birthday Party at the Peace Tree

Even though her birthday was technically on Tuesday but we had it on Wednesday to make sure friends could all come. Now that my mom is more or less house bound I figured just visiting with friends would mean more to her than anything.




That morning my sweetie Morgan and I got decorations and we set up the Peace Tree with bright and happy colors.

Here she is with her iced latte that I made for her and she already was digging into the presents....no one loves presents more than my mother

Here is my boss and dear friend Karen (owner of all The Peace Trees) and my moms friend Marie who is an angel and is a great help to my parents




























Here is my mother with a few of her friends. I made wraps and smoothies and everyone had a great time!! Her friends include from left hand side of mom...Marie, Dale and Sherri Shumway then Donna Jones...my cousin

And finally me who is showing signs the day is beginning to catch up to me.



It was a great day that she deserved. I truly wish I could make everyday special for my mother. She deserves so much that I can't do right now. But the main thing is she knows I love her and that everyone in this little tiny town love
I hope she had a fun day and that she knows she is so loved by so many people because she truly is an angel on earth

"The more we focus on others, the more we have a concern for others, it seems to bring an inner strength."

-His Holiness the Dalai Lama

May is my Mother's Month

My mother's month is May. Lets see.....her last name is May, her anniversary is May 4th, her birthday is May 12th and of course Mothers Day that fell on the 10th this year but many times her birthday falls on Mothers Day. She really deserves it because December is her worst nightmare....Christmas, My dad's birthday is Dec. 1, my husband David's is on the 5th of Dec. and mine is the 12th. So knowing all this I pamper her the entire month of May. At least I try.

This year is especially difficult for her especially. My father is not doing well and its scary. Then the day before Mothers Day we had to put her sweet Molly (her 14 year old McNabb...a dog) down. She finally decided she was too old and too tired to do another day. She went peacefully but my mother was heart broken.

So I decided we were going to make a garden where she lived outside my moms bedroom near the porch.

I take mom in my mustang and off we go to the greenhouse. Well we went crazy. She bought a bunch of flowers for me and I bought a ton her. After we paid for all of this I realized I have a Mustang. So....I crammed my mother and flowers in every nook and crannie and we prayed we'd make it home which is over a mountain and is about a 30 min drive

now you see how many plants we crammed into my tiny car with my mother. I put her in the car and then wedged plants all around her and the trunk. But what I love about all of this is that smile on her face. I managed to make her smile after she said good bye to her dear friend Molly that very morning.

"Genuine peace between between nations will come from mutual respect, not from weapons or force."

-His Holiness the Dalai Lama

Lots to say

Hey Everyone...I am so sorry its been so long but as I mentioned before I spilled wine on my computer and fried the mother board. I have learned my lesson...I keep my wine on another table now.
I have so much to tell everyone. These past weeks or days or whatever have been filled with my little life events that some might say bordered on drudgery but its my drudgery. And because you seem to care enough to tune in and read my ramblings it now becomes your drudgery as well.
Actually my life is great. I have come so far from where I was this time last year...by September I was borderline suicidal and now I am just as happy as I can be with my life...sure we all wish some things were a little different but all in all I am very satisfied with my life.
So onto my new Dell....Its like a gift from the angels. I have never had a computer custom made for me but this one is. I call him Kermit because every time I see the beautiful green cover I start to sing Kermit's song....I think its something like...Its not easy being green....
Oh well enough of that. This piece of technology has made me smile. Its fully loaded and has extra stuff for my photography and my Internet (of course)...(my window to the world which has been one thing that has improved my mood.
I also quit smoking. I still am not completely out of the woods but it seems so doable for me now. Every now and then I will take a drag or two when I'm ready to have a nervous break down but otherwise I've pretty much beat this thing.

Today is Thursday which is like my Friday so TGIT EVERYONE!!!! Okay so basically what I am saying is after work I nap then tan with a friend then I will write about one of many many topics I have thought of this last week or so.

My mother was a trooper by allowing me joint custody but I know it was not completely fair because sometimes I would hog it. Its the only thing that works when I am fighting a nicotine craving so if it seems like I'm online a bit (for the facebook users that know me) just know I am just tyring to get through this. It keeps my mind and hands busy and Mike and Ikes take care of my oral fixation for now (Dave has other ideas but that's for another topic).

I have pictures, news, ideas, thoughts and opinions to share with all of you whether you wanted any of these things or not. So make sure to tune in the next few days at my two blogs. This one and my less PC one:

www.lisaunleashed.blogspot.com

"Every person has the same potential for inner tranquility, but negative forces such as fear, suspicion, selfishness and self-hatred can destroy inner peace"

-His Holiness the Dalai Lama

Now I am going to say what you just read is so true. I have been the one putting up all these road blocks to my own happiness and though Rome wasn't built in a day I think I am definitely heading in the right direction.

Dude...you're getting a Dell...!

Just a quick note to let the world know that apparently the wine incident was a bit more severe than I had originally thought. Basically I fried (or soaked) the mother board. As some of you know my mother and I have been sharing her computer or as Beth put it, joint custody. I get it from 4pm to 8 am and my mother gets it from 8am to 4 pm. It just so happens this is when I choose to quit smoking (oh lets face it...there is never going to be a perfect time). The computer and Facebook, My Space, email and all my apps keep my hands and brain busy. It lets me focus on something other than the need for a cig. But I'm worried I've been a bit piggy. So I'm trying to help my mother a little bit extra (my way of saying little squirrel knows and appreciates it). Guilt is eating me alive though. Not only have I taken over the computer but I "ignore" David. Now don't get me wrong...he has been BEYOND patient and keeps saying "if it makes you happy then it makes me happy"...I know I'm lucky. So I have quite a dilemma. I've been told by professionals and friends recently that I need to put myself first in order to take care of everyone else but they also say "don't be selfish...just take care of yourself" so I wonder where is that line between selfish and taking care of myself? I have always battled with this very question but I suppose all neurotic people do...I don't know.
So people I may be offline for a bit more until May 13th. Don't get me wrong...I can't stay away long but maybe I can try to find that "sweet spot" for self care and selfish. I am going to try to leave the computer alone tonight. Lets see if I can do it. I have basically switched one addiction for another and its got me all wacky until I can finally be okay without a cig. Off and on since I was 15 smoking has been my coping mechanism. If I was uncomfortable (which is a lot) I light up. If I was bored, nervous, sad, etc... I'd light up. Well I still have all these emotional hazards without the coping mechanism...no that's not right...I'm in the process of finding new and healthy coping mechanisms. I just want my family to know that I am trying very hard to sort all of this out. Tonight for instance I will plant two trees, tan, go to a meeting, do my mothers laundry and spend time with my husband. I'm actually okay with that...its the wee hours of the morning. If I watch TV I will want to smoke. I won't have anything to do until work...that's going to be the tough hours. All in all though I am doing well. I have never thrown a temper tantrum and have burst into tears just once or twice.
Okay onto more pleasant talk....my new Dell!!!! YAAAAYYYY!!!!

Its green, vista (I've gotten use to it), photography savvy, all programs, fully loaded. I am beyond excited. I told you when that hp tech support guy blew me off that was it...hp was dead to me.
For my mothers birthday she gets a new Dell and gives her hp to Dave who just likes to get to Amazon, golf stuff, email, bank and my blogs. Then I will have a computer all to myself...and then I am going wireless so I can spend time with my husband and my Big Girl AND play with my new toy such as photo editing etc....

Okay that was really long winded in order to apologize to family and to explain why I may not be around as much (its temporary...believe me) and about my new Dell.

I am thankful for my new Dell
I am thankful my mother is such a giving and patient woman
I am thankful my husband "gets it"
I am thankful I am not smoking

I think hp tech support sucks
Addiction of any kind sucks...I should know
watching my dad struggle with every breath sucks

Blue Light Special

This has been a difficult morning for me. I accidently spilled wine on my computer last night. I didn't think it was much. I immediately wiped it down and shut it down and went to bed. I prayed all through the night that all would be okay in the morning. So I got up at 3:30 am knowing I would have my computer to get me through until the house woke up. I turned it on and it was working!!! It was beautiful. Everything worked great so I clicked on my favorites, found my facebook page, clicked on the user and pass area and started typing all the relevent information. However, the keyboard was not responding. So for two hours I tried everything. I even called my hp support number. The man was very nice until he noticed I hadn't renewed my warranty. I didn't know I had to. And then he proceeds to tell me in a very condenscending tone....."I'm sorry but no warranty no help". I was stunned....I asked him if I could buy something on line that would help him to help me. He told me to buy a new computer and hung up. There was this horrible black smoke that began pouring out of my ears. I, at that moment, remembered my friend Trudy in Virginia saying as she showed off her new Dells that the tech support was off the charts so I mumbled into the silent phone..."I will fucker....a DELL!!!!!"

The rest of that story can be read on my other blog http://www.lisaunleashed.blogspot.com/

So I resigned myself to the unimagineable fate of no computer and decided to use my perfectly working mouse and read my friends blogs. I got to Beth's Run With Me Blog and read how she did at the horsetooth half marathon. I will let you read the story for yourself

http://www.twentysixpointtwoormore.blogspot.com/

She told a story that had me on the floor laughing so hard I nearly threw up. It was about when your lower digestive track decides to do a mass evacuation at the most inopportune time. She was a trooper. Under those circumstances I probably would have just run off the side of those beautiful mountains sparing myself the unimagineable ribbing I would get from my better half and my offspring. That would be a fate worse than death.
Anyhoo....this type of phenomenon is known in my family as the "Blue Light Special". Do not ask me how this term came to be but its one we use frequently. Usually this type of thing happens in the car on my way home from a wonderful meal and I've never had an accident because we imagine Dave putting a blue siren on top the car and he gets me home just in the knick of time.

I will tell you a story about one of my Blue Light Specials that was pretty messed up. November 6th 2004 David and I took Jess to Olive Garden for her birthday dinner. We needed this because we had just survived Hurricane Isabel and just got our power back on and things were beginning to go back to normal. We had a great dinner with much laughing and enjoyment. We then decided to go home and watch the new movie Jess got called "Finding Nemo"....a classic already.
We get into the car and my lower "bowel area" began to make a strange sound...not like one any of us had ever heard before...it was quite ominous sounding. Then I burst into the cold sweats. I couldn't decide if I was going to spontaneously combust right then and there or what the hell was going on. Then I knew....this was going to be the Mother of all Blue Light Specials. My wonderful family knew instantly by the look of horror in my eyes and the profuse sweating and those ominous sounds coming from my stomach.
Now we were literally less than 2 miles from my house and there was a very small powder room right when you got in the door. I began using visualization exercises ...I could see my driveway, I could see the front door, I could see that wonderful little tiny powder room...I could see the toilet...about this time my husband was pulling out of the parking lot. Across the street I saw a Dunkin Donuts rising before me like a Phoenix rising up to call mama home. I just pointed urgently to the Dunkin Donuts.....we hung on for dear life as he did a bat turn (illegal) to do a u-turn into the donut parking lot.
It was fairly late by this time...I guess not a high traffic time for donut stores. I flew past this little teenager boy just trying to do his job and found the bathroom....I didn't lock...I just danced around crying as I tried to calmly pull down my pants but it was like those horror movies where the pretty girl finally makes it to the car but it won't start as the monster bears down on her. It was much like that. I MADE IT with a big sigh of relief and relaxed and OMG!!!!! WTF?????? It was like nothing I had ever experienced before. For a minute I thought I was spontaneously combusting...then I realized "no...I will have to walk out with as much dignity I can muster because there is no way in hell that sweet child out there isn't hearing this and is probably wondering if he should call 911. "
Fuck it...I washed my hands, adjusted my clothes, fluffed up my hair and walked out as if I was Queen Elizabeth, smiled at the boy and said goodbye...NO>>>I DIDN'T BUY ANYTHING!!!!! If I was wondering if I could've escaped notice by the boy but one glance at the look on his face and I knew I was soooo busted. I ran out to the car and told Dave to step on it before I even closed the door. Everyone was all nosey and wanted details which I refused to provide and those two laughed all the way home...still the longest two miles of my life.
To move on with the festivities I got the DVD and turned everything on and BAM our power was out again. I wanted to scream. Because we had just recovered from Hurricane Isabel we still had out generator outside the door ready to go. So we plugged in the TV and microwave. We watched Finding Nemo by candlelight eating popcorn and watching the movie to the background noise of a leer jet landing. The only thing that made the night even better was knowing my grumpy neighbor next door (I called him Mr. Wilson) hated the sound of our generator.

Little Squirrel

I know many of you watch Seinfeld. I know I did and still do. I have so many "Seinfeld" moments in my life its not even funny. There is one episode that we live with every day here. That is the Little Squirrel episode. For those of you who don't know or can't remember Little Squirrel was the episode where Elaine was dating the saxophone player. She really liked him but there was one little thing he wouldn't do for her in bed and that was the one thing she really wanted. Then Jerry mentions to friends that Elaine and this saxophone player were really getting "hot and heavy". When Elaine found out she freaked. HOT and HEAVY????!!!! she yells. She explains to Jerry that this saxophone player is like a little squirrel. You don't go up to a little squirrel and and make a bunch of noise as she waves her arms wildly about. You need to be gentle and soothing and quiet so you don't scare the little squirrel away.
I finally had to explain to Dave that I'm the little squirrel. I've had so much drama and violence and pain and yelling in my life I just can't bear it anymore. He finally got it and he has been so good ever since.
For example...Dave is the Great Lecturer. No body...I mean nobody can give a lecture like Dave on absolutely everything. Just ask Jess. He would wait until she was locked in the car on their way to court (AGAIN) and that's when he'd spring the lecture. There was no escape. One time when he wouldn't let her out on the side of the interstate in North Carolina on their way back from court (again) screaming at the top of her lungs as he continued with the lecture from hell. She was so pissed she crawled into the very back of our Jeep Cherokee (as far from him as was humanly possible) and that is where she stayed.
But Jess isn't the only one. I got lectures to. I finally was getting like Jess....I couldn't take it. Every time I would screw up (which is a lot...but not on purpose...I'm a lot like Lucy Ricardo.....LUCY..you got some s'plaining to do!!!!) I knew that lecture was coming. Of course he was usually right and he lectured out of love but there are sometimes you just can't take it. You can't!! The last time I screwed up which was a few weeks ago I had to explain my dilemma to Dave and before he could puff up his chest and begin the arduous task of lecturing me I told him "look....little squirrel knows...she doesn't need a lecture because she already knows" That stopped him dead in his tracks and he cracked up. So he is watching his lecturing...he tries to limit it to really important or dangerous type situations. My mother gets the lectures too but shes such a good sport she just waves her arm and lets it go in one ear and out the other.

I am going to label this as Seinfeld Moments because I have a feeling I will be writing about a lot of them.

Happy Easter everyone
Lisa


"Although man's intelligence can sometimes make him a trouble maker, I believe that because of our intelligence we human beings are also capable of developing infinite altruism."
_His Holiness the Dalai Lama

P.S. If some of you are asking "what was the one thing he wouldn't do for Elaine in bed?" Well I will tell you. He finally did this great thing for Elaine but it still wasn't getting her to the promise land. This guy tried and tried until he could try no more. It just so happens that night a talent scout or whatever was watching this guy play. Unfortunately while he tried all day to get Elaine to the promise land his lips became numb. So that night he picks up his saxophone and he can't play!! His lips won't work!! It was awful and I know Elaine felt terrible as she slinked out of the night club. That my friends was the end of Little Squirrel!